4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
