After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
