i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
