I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
