It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
