rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
