I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
