it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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