My first STD was from a foam party
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
