The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
