You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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