If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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