I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
