Soap is not a condiment
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
