69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You are the jesus of drinking
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
not ubering you a puppy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
