Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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