I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
