I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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