I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
