throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
ttyl tear gas
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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