i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
