The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
