whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
