Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
