So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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