oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
