I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
