my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
