I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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