Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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