I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
