i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
