you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
