My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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