come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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