around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
