I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You may now shotgun with the bride
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
