Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
