how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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