wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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