oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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