Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
