I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
