Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
