i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
