Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
