By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
