Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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