Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
