He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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